Moving on

You know, so far I've only been writing entries on general issues. But I can't help but to write about something that has been bothering me recently.

To me, I've always put my friends on par with my family. To the extent I get reprimanded by parents or relatives at times. I used to have quite a number of friends last time, but over the years I realised that it was pointless. That was one of the reasons as to why I deleted Friendster. I would accept requests on Friendster without having a single clue about who the person is. Just like many others, I thought having many friends would make me well known, famous and most importantly, it meant that I was wanted.

However, I came to realise that having a few good friends was all I needed. I didn't find any happiness in trying to become famous or trying to make it seem like I was wanted. But, I did find happiness in having the few close friends who were ALWAYS there for me and who knew me inside out, and valued me.

So, I became very selective or you could even say judgmental. I would choose who I want to mix with and who I want to talk to. Well, I wouldn't say 'would' because I am still doing that. I don't share my personal things with anyone except my close friends. My social circle shrunk immensely but I couldn't give two hoots about that because..I was happy. When my birthday came, I only looked foward to meeting up with my friends, so much so to the extent that every year my mother would tell me "You had better not spend the entire day with your beloved friends. You better come back home early."

It upsets me to think that even though I gave so much importance, it wasn't always the case on the other side. When a guy comes into the picture everything else changes. Well, maybe I might change too..I wouldn't know because everytime a guy is in my life, he would turn out to be the asshole of the century. I was never 'SO-in-love', and thus I always needed my friends. But, when a girl IS so-in-love, she puts the guy before her friends. Unlike most guys who still hang out with their friends, and try to balance the time between their friends and girlfriends, girls don't do that. When she finds her man, she gives everything else up.

It really upsets me to think that a guy can do so much to a girl, and have such a high level of significance in her life..to the extent that the girl totally indulges in ignorance when it comes to her girlfriends. When I told my mother about it, my mum simply laughed and said "Well, you can't be holding on to your friends forever isn't it? When they get a guy, they start living their own lives and you have to move away as well."

Well, I guess my mum does have a point. And also, another reason as to why I'm so upset could be because I don't trust men. I don't. And because I don't, I guess I'm thinking 'why is she giving so much importance to him? Weren't all her girlfriends there for her all her life? She lets a GUY take control of her life like that?' My thoughts are biased of course.

Whatever, it is..one thing's for sure - I have to move on. I have live my own life now. And if I have to let go of a friend, then I would just have to do that..without giving two hoots about her.