Clueless

Yesterday was not such a bad day..in the beginning atleast, besides the fact that I embarrassed myself..as usual. I went for a PPO trial and had to take down notes of evidence. The trial started at 2 and ended around 6. I was so, very sleepy since morning itself and going for a 4-hour trial didn't help much. However, it was really interesting. Only at a certain point, I decided to give my hand a break from all the writing. After which, I guess I decided to give my eyes a break as well unknowingly.
I was dozing off, but i wasn't sleeping yet.

Just then, the wife(who is also the one applying for Personal Protection Order) had to turn around and ask me something. You know when you are about to doze off, it will take some time to snap out of that state to fully comprehend what people are saying? Yes, so I didn't respond obviously. Then in my head I kept telling myself "Wake up Vasaantha, don't embarrass yourself further, wake up you idiot!". N after snapping out of that half-asleep state, I asker her "Pardon, what?" And she just replied saying "He(her husband) is lying". Yeh, like I didn't know that?? I really wanted to thank her for disrupting my 'sleep'.

Then after work I went for driving. You know, ever since I started learning driving, I have been so enthusiastic about it. I mean I really, really like it. And I can't wait to get my license. And it was my 3rd lesson and this is what happened:
Instructor: "Ok, now you turn out."
Me : "What?? Into the main road?"
Instructor: "Ya la. Isn't that what I told you? Turn out"
Me : (Muruga..that's it..)

But, the thing is I really liked driving on the main road. Only thing was that at one point of time I panicked and released the clutch when I was on first gear(he kept asking me to change from one gear to another) and the engine stalled and the car stopped in the middle of nowhere. My instructor just burst out laughing. And yes, I embarrassed myself once again.

Unexpected things happened later on, at night. Things went out of control. I can be very patient, but don't take advantage of it. If you push me over the edge, I will burst. And that's what happened yesterday. I said things I shouldn't have said, I did things I wouldn't normally do. Until now, I'm clueless as to why I hurled vulgarities to that extent. It was totally out of control. It was like..I wasn't myself. but I don't regret it because I've been too patient..too tolerant. Only thing I regret is putting my Aunty through so much pain. I really regret that..