Can't wait

As I'm at work, I can't help but to think of what I really wish to be, or what I really wish to do. In a way, it is like a blessing in disguise that I'm working at a school. For ONCE in my life, I think I finally know that I really want to go into teaching.

Just after getting my diploma, I was at a terrible fix, wondering what I should do next. Then I decided to go ahead with my Management Degree. Why? Because it seemed worth it. It seemed like the right thing to do as I had prior knowledge on management subjects. Because everyone else around me started taking up a business degree. Most importantly, because I badly wanted a degree.

I never really thought about the consequences of taking something up I never really liked and I never really wanted to do. I just wanted to be degree holder very badly. However, what is the point really, of doing something, or even studying something you don't like? I am not getting any younger. Furthermore, since everyone else around me seem to be having a degree, I decided to get one as well. But I thank god that I finally realised, that it is not the time, but it is really about pursuing something you really want to do.

I dropped my degree, and I was confused about the consequences. What if I don't get into teaching? What if I don't like teaching eventually? And I am still worried about the first question. But the second one, luckily for me, I get to see how teachers work in a school. I even got to take care of classes. I get to see how everything works in a school. Lastly, I got to know that this is what I would love to do.

Honestly, I will be broken if I don't get into teaching. But, I won't regret dropping my management degree. Simply because that is not what I want to do. I went for the bridging course and I just thought to myself..why the hell am I studying Econs again? That subject was the very reason why I couldn't get into NUS.

I have finally decided to pursue my dreams. I don't care how much older I am going to get, or what others think of me when they find out that my sister is a doctor and I am only a dipl0ma holder. But, I am going to do something I really want to do for the first time in my life. And hopefully, hopefully..one day I can tell the rest that they should not have followed the crowd and that they should have just taken up something they love.

I wish..

I can't believe the recent series of events.

I finally got a job. And it all happened so fast that I can't even believe that I'm going to work. It's something which I think I would really love to do. It is also something which would create a good opportunity for my future career which I'm really hoping to get. Seeing all the Primary school kids just made me smile. The class monitor was like "Class greet!"..and everyone went "Gooooooddmorniiiing!" Haha. After so many years, they still greet the same way. They were really cute.

Just the day before yst, I went for a medical check up at Amara Hotel. And when the the manager asked me if I knew where Amara Hotel was, I couldn't help but to smile. When I walked along the hotel, so many memories came pouring back. How my grandparents and I used to go for a walk every night, and they would bring me to the hotel to see the aquarium. The aquarium was no longer there.

Then the market opposite the hotel. It has the best dessert stalls and I remember how I'll go there to have chendol after Kindergarten. The flower shop which I used to go to alone to buy flowers, cos my Grandma insisted that I had to learn to talk and be independent. But my Grandma, being so darn cute, will hide behind the pillar without my knowledge just in case I get bullied by the florist or smth.

And of course my grandparents' house. I couldn't go up to the house obviously as they are tenants staying there now. Moreover, I was already getting quite emotional and I didn't want to go any further. Words can't explain how much I want to turn back time. I won't even say I felt nostalgic because nostalgia has a positive connotation. I felt so horrible, remembering the fact that I can never see my grandfather again. Realising that I can never relive my childhood. And how things have changed and will change. In a few years, I am very sure those old blocks will be demolished as well. As it is, they have changed the place in so many ways.

I can only live with the memories now...