Cycling

Yesterday was really really tiring. But I had lotsa fun. From waiting for about one half an hour for dearest Valli to arrive at Kallang station and looking like some slut waiting to be picked up(that place is freaky). To getting off at the ulu East Coast interchange wrongly and taking a bus back. And then trying to control our piss by distracting ourselves and talking about other things. And then ending up laughing even harder and wanting to piss even more. Haha. It was damn funny.

Then cycling halfway, only to return back for me to change my shoes. You must admit that after changing my shoes, I was far better than you at cycling ok..haha. The best part was the jetty la. I'm still wondering if those three guys wanted to steal our wallets. Scary man.

Actually the best part wasn't the jetty. The best part was sitting on the sand, on newspapers with our own candlelight dinner(we substituted candles with the hp light and of course there was the moonlight, and dinner wasn't really a meal..haha). And playing all the anjac songs on our hps. Esp singing to kuchi mella. Lol. I swear anyone hearing us would have gotten the wrong idea. Two girls somemore.

After all that fun, this morning I couldn't wake up. Funniest thing is when my alarm went off, I was thinkin "why have I set my alarm at 6? Isn't it Sunday today? Am I nuts?" Thank God I realised after a while that it's Monday and I gotta move my ass. And I am so very tired. But, it was worth it la. We should do it again.

Save our Landmarks?

If you have read the papers recently, you would have seen some people protesting against old buildings being demolished in Singapore, in the name of modernisation.

I am totally against that idea as well. I love seeing the Golden Mile complex on my way to town. It reminds me of fact that there is at least some of Singapore's history left. It is also the ONLY building in Singapore with such an infrastructure. These may not be the glamorous looking buildings obviously, but they speak volumes of our past. And how far we have come from there.

It's not just about preserving our past, but also reliving the past. Tanjong Pagar is one the areas which is likely to go through major development. As it is, old coffeeshops are gone and new 'chill out' places like Starbucks and Mr Beans have sprung out at every corner there. However, it brings back so many memories for me, each time I go there. And I can't bear to see those blocks being broken down into mere bricks.

If people are worried that these buildings may not be appealing enough to attract tourists, I think they are wrong. When I went to Switzerland, what really fascinated me was the capital city which was Bern. I'm sure a lot has been done to give the city a modern touch. However, the architecture of the buildings fascinated me. Those buildings had been preserved with their unique architectural designs. And for a person like me who had been in Singapore almost her entire life, I felt like I was in a totally different world altogether.

So why can't Singapore's buildings be preserved? If they want to change it, perhaps some painting works can be done, or better lift services? But, I strongly object to the idea of the entire building being torn down.

I can't wake up on time. At all. Each time the alarm rings, I tell myself, my sleep is so very impt to me and shut my eyes again. The opportunity cost of an extra half an hour of sleep? $7.
That's the taxi fare to get to my workplace on time. Urgh!

And all this staring at the computer isn't helping at all. How does my brother play computer 16 hours a day..I have no idea. I stare at this thing for 2 hours and that's it. I can't take it anymore. It is the saturation point.

Friday's interview is really causing me sleepless nights. I really hope I can pass the test. What if I don't? It's not that big a deal. But it's just that I'm really crossing my fingers. In a funny way, I want that job. I just hope I can get through the test. The interview shouldn't be so much of a problem. It's the test I am terrified about..

Can't wait

As I'm at work, I can't help but to think of what I really wish to be, or what I really wish to do. In a way, it is like a blessing in disguise that I'm working at a school. For ONCE in my life, I think I finally know that I really want to go into teaching.

Just after getting my diploma, I was at a terrible fix, wondering what I should do next. Then I decided to go ahead with my Management Degree. Why? Because it seemed worth it. It seemed like the right thing to do as I had prior knowledge on management subjects. Because everyone else around me started taking up a business degree. Most importantly, because I badly wanted a degree.

I never really thought about the consequences of taking something up I never really liked and I never really wanted to do. I just wanted to be degree holder very badly. However, what is the point really, of doing something, or even studying something you don't like? I am not getting any younger. Furthermore, since everyone else around me seem to be having a degree, I decided to get one as well. But I thank god that I finally realised, that it is not the time, but it is really about pursuing something you really want to do.

I dropped my degree, and I was confused about the consequences. What if I don't get into teaching? What if I don't like teaching eventually? And I am still worried about the first question. But the second one, luckily for me, I get to see how teachers work in a school. I even got to take care of classes. I get to see how everything works in a school. Lastly, I got to know that this is what I would love to do.

Honestly, I will be broken if I don't get into teaching. But, I won't regret dropping my management degree. Simply because that is not what I want to do. I went for the bridging course and I just thought to myself..why the hell am I studying Econs again? That subject was the very reason why I couldn't get into NUS.

I have finally decided to pursue my dreams. I don't care how much older I am going to get, or what others think of me when they find out that my sister is a doctor and I am only a dipl0ma holder. But, I am going to do something I really want to do for the first time in my life. And hopefully, hopefully..one day I can tell the rest that they should not have followed the crowd and that they should have just taken up something they love.

I wish..

I can't believe the recent series of events.

I finally got a job. And it all happened so fast that I can't even believe that I'm going to work. It's something which I think I would really love to do. It is also something which would create a good opportunity for my future career which I'm really hoping to get. Seeing all the Primary school kids just made me smile. The class monitor was like "Class greet!"..and everyone went "Gooooooddmorniiiing!" Haha. After so many years, they still greet the same way. They were really cute.

Just the day before yst, I went for a medical check up at Amara Hotel. And when the the manager asked me if I knew where Amara Hotel was, I couldn't help but to smile. When I walked along the hotel, so many memories came pouring back. How my grandparents and I used to go for a walk every night, and they would bring me to the hotel to see the aquarium. The aquarium was no longer there.

Then the market opposite the hotel. It has the best dessert stalls and I remember how I'll go there to have chendol after Kindergarten. The flower shop which I used to go to alone to buy flowers, cos my Grandma insisted that I had to learn to talk and be independent. But my Grandma, being so darn cute, will hide behind the pillar without my knowledge just in case I get bullied by the florist or smth.

And of course my grandparents' house. I couldn't go up to the house obviously as they are tenants staying there now. Moreover, I was already getting quite emotional and I didn't want to go any further. Words can't explain how much I want to turn back time. I won't even say I felt nostalgic because nostalgia has a positive connotation. I felt so horrible, remembering the fact that I can never see my grandfather again. Realising that I can never relive my childhood. And how things have changed and will change. In a few years, I am very sure those old blocks will be demolished as well. As it is, they have changed the place in so many ways.

I can only live with the memories now...

Think Positive

I hate to write about depressing issues. So here's my attempt at turning even the most depressing issues, into something positive..

It's alright that we don't talk anymore. I mean ever since you got attached and found a job and all, we stopped talking everyday anyway. Just that when I need someone to talk to or cry to, I'll really feel the pinch. In a funny way, this has made me realise my own faults. It has made me realise that my ego isn't going to do me any good at all. It has made me realise that each time I snap, I inevitably hurt someone else. It also has made me realise that friendship isn't lifelong. As we grow older, we have other commitments; bigger commitments. And we can't be sitting down and thinking about friendship, or 'friends-forever' like some teenagers. We have to grow out of it. And I'm learning to grow out of it.

When you're really stressed, that's when you start remembering every single person who has hurt you. And I've never really had a sister to begin with. But it's alright because my time will come. This difficult stage will pass eventually, and I'm sure my dreams will come true. And I thank god that although I don't really have a sister, I have great friends and my Aunt. These people have been so much like sisters to me, that I never had the need to regret anything. And even now, I shouldn't be regretting anything.

I'm always wanting to be appreciated. I'm always wanting recognition for my hard work. I mean who doesn't? But when I don't get it, I get very upset. I feel like bursting and screaming and confronting the people who are supposed to thank me, and asking them why they didn't do so. Esp when I feel that women, never really get the due recognition they're supposed to get. But it's good in a way because, I get a feel of work life. At my future work place, that's how people are going to treat you. So, it's good that I got to experience those politics in a miniature scale.

As for cash, I'm totally broke for now, but all bad things come to an end as well. Thanks to growth dividends!

Thanks Rashmi..for being there for me. I was a few seconds away from going completely berserk..thanks once again..

Amazed and numbed

I've never heard you say that you want to end this friendship. In a funny way, it's worse than a break up. My heart just feels so heavy now.

And you can't deny the fact that the reason why you so confidently decided to throw away this friendship, is because you have a boyfriend now. It's funny how a man who enters your life way later than I did can get so much of importance. Has the thought of ending your relationship with him ever crossed your mind? No isn't it. But now.. you decided to just cut contact with me.

But who am I kidding? Who needs friends when you've already found your other half isn't it? And all these over an extremely minor issue. So 7 years of friendship becomes nothing each time I snap. Perhaps according to you, all I've been doing for the past 7 years is to snap.

I guess I've never been there for you when you had to cry your heart out. I guess I never cried when YOU were hurt. I guess I never spoke so well about you to my mum, that she loves u as much as she loves me. I guess I never did anything good for you..for these past 7 years.

Seriously, it's that easy huh..to just throw everything away? I'm amazed.

I lost the little bit of faith I had in relationships when I was cheated for the third time. But now, I've lost the whole lot of faith I had in friendship, when you told me you're willing to just..throw everything away. Just. like. that.

Things change isn't it? Stupid me. I never realise that. Well, honestly I'm so devoid of feelings already.

I don't have any energy to cry anymore or even feel sad for that matter.

I wish I had some asshole as a boyfriend in my life right now, so that I can easily get over this, and easily not care about losing a friend as well..

On a different note, Rashmi.. thanks a lot for the Brownie and the Punjabi suit. I still can't digest the fact that you appeared at the TP audi out of nowhere. It was really really such a sweet thing to do. Thanks you:-)